get a girl to come eat supper with him.......and ask her to change to roll

He would use the cardboard tube....

He'd put a new roll on then wipe his ass.

He would run off into the countryside hunt down a squirrel and say "hey squirrel does shit stick to your fur." if the squirrel says no or does not answer, he will drop his kegs and wipe his ass with the squirrel.

pray for a clean break....

McGyver would use the Asgard Ring Technology to transfer to a room with paper.

Or he would just use the three shells.

hmm.... WWMD???? Use the roll .. if he had too.... :))

stuck on the bowl without a roll? be a man, use yer hand! (don't really do that, kids, it's nasty).

he would use his socks