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Bizare Accidents Suffered By Blokes...
A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood
dripping down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw
he had a geranium inserted in his penis. The man had got the
flower in without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it,
the hairs on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra and
ripped it to shreds.
A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to
his wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped
a slice of bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt
up and took a bite out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to
restore the damage.
A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his
penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse
with his girlfriend on not one but two occasions, he noticed that
his erection was still at its full glory. Having struggled to
sleep through the night he woke up to find his boner still
standing proud, but due to him worrying about the police finding
out about his possession, and indeed the use of an illegal
substance, he decided against visiting his doctor. However after
three days of enduring headaches and nausea, caused by the
constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of
help. He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist
who diagnosed lack of oxygen to vital bloodstreams in his body,
as the cause of his sickness. He was given numerous drugs and
antibiotics to combat the swelling, but shortly afterwards
developed blood clots in various parts of his body with gangrene
setting in. As a result he lost both legs, nine fingers and his
penis.
You may want to grit your teeth before you read this. This is
really gruesome...
When a mate was studying in Ireland, he took up rugby. As his
first season wore on, the lads and him were eventually scheduled
to play a team which had a reputation for violent play.
Considering that they weren't the most talented outfit to have
ever taken the field, they decided to accept the challenge with a
"do or die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing their
way. They didn't, and to make matters worse their star player
dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was
clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood back to allow the
medic to, in one swift movement, slot the hip back into its
socket. Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream. To their
horror, they realised that one of his testicles had also been
jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by
the hip. Incidentally, he also managed to rip a vocal chord with
his screaming.
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"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
-- W. C. Fields --
The older I get the better I was.