* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
* I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
* She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
* A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
* Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
* The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
* The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
* A backward poet writes in-verse.
* In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
* When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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Watching professional fishing on TV is just watching a bunch of master baiters
hold their rods
Politics is just a bunch of mass debators in one room