I've got a lot of time for people who choose to act in porn films.
Saying that, it's usually about 3½ minutes.
I got my wife a vibrator for her birthday.
She's done nothing but moan ever since.
Thousands of police officers are to be armed with Taser stun guns...
I think that's really shocking.
After doing a spot of DIY, I came to realise that wallpapering is a lot like sex...
The drier it gets, the harder and faster you have to do it.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
My wife used to think that FHM and Maxim were pornography...
But then she found my real stash.
Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar with an Englishman, Irishman and a Scots man...
I realised my life was a big joke.
After Sarkozy's recent contribution of troops to Iraq, I now perfectly understand why the insurgents are showing absolutely no signs of giving up...
Well, YOU wouldn't want to be the first to lose to the French, would you?
I heard some of my son's friends call my wife a MILF. I found out this means mothers I'd like to fuck.
So when I heard my teenage daughter's friends say "Your dad's FILF", I got a right stiffy...
Turns out they found my porn collection.
Police reported earlier today that a cattle truck had tipped on its side, killing the driver and all 100 cattle on board. The family of the driver announced there will be a memorial service to commemorate the driver, followed by an all-you-can-eat barbecue.
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 |  | Heywood
Posted on Dec 18, 2008 at 08:55 AM
797 tokens, 4.28 days wasted |
| | Heywood
Posted on Dec 18, 2008 at 09:08 AM
797 tokens, 4.28 days wasted |
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Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair
smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual
harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget"
*****************
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line….
“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the store!”
**********************
A short guy lives on the top floor of a ten story apartment building. Everyday he takes the elevator to the seventh floor and then walks the stairs up the next three. Seems he's too short to reach any of the higher numbered buttons.
*****************
Now don't get me wrong, I like short people. I just can't eat a whole one.