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British Newspaper Items
5 comments | Posted by Bamber 13 months ago
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Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth accompanied by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common."
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge.
However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)

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View Profile for konifurkonifur
Posted on Dec 08, 2008 at 08:23 AM
26,616 tokens, 1.6 months wasted
"gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
....i had a bad build up of gas last week...but don`t worry my house is ok.

"arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear"
......i was accused for shoplifting for the same reason,but i got an apology.

hey! it wasn`t me!

forgive me i am discombobulated again.

i would not like be a member of a club who would have me as a member...Groucho
Marks.

T.U.R.D. (because I'm a farter)



 
View Profile for BamberBamber
Posted on Dec 08, 2008 at 08:29 AM
13,293 tokens, 1.93 months wasted
Comment in reply to konifur's original comment

......i was accused for shoplifting for the same reason,but i got an apology.

Why? Was it a mettwurst?

Usquequaque in fimus, tantum sublimitas varius.

Youth passes, but with luck immaturity can last a lifetime.

 
View Profile for capttomguamcapttomguam
Posted on Dec 08, 2008 at 11:08 AM
3,273 tokens, 2.38 weeks wasted
Comment in reply to konifur's original comment

Me thinks it was a "Vienna" sausage....I've heard stories!

Capt. TOM
"CARPE DIEM"

 
View Profile for TokenToken
Posted on Dec 09, 2008 at 09:48 AM
7,021 tokens, 1.04 months wasted
Comment in reply to konifur's original comment

You were missing an Italian boyfriend?

T.U.R.D. ( because I'm a stinker)

"We are just 3 little brain cells, trying to find our way in the world."

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