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well these made me laugh.
A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?'
A kid at the back shouts out, 'He was the last fucking white man to be called Winston!'
........................................
He parked in a disabled space and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
he shouted,'Tourettes! Now fuck off you twat!'
........................................
Q...What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
A...The McCartneys
But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever find another woman to fill her shoe?
....................................
I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut'
.....................................
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.
He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.
She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'
.......................................
A man is in a queue at walmart and sees this busty blond staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says '
bloody hell are you the bird I shagged on me stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a toilet brush up my ass?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'
.......................................
Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees sister Rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's shagging her the Rev Mother comes in.
'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!'
well i did warn you.
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