Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other
announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee....
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
2. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
3. From a Southwest Airlines employee..
."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you don't know how to operate one,
you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
4. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
5. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind
will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
6. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.. unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
7. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
8. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day.
During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please
remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
9. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
10. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.
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as i`m am shagging the women next door and if anne finds out she will cut my little knackers off.
just kidding ...honest.
The following image was attached:
A Proud V Double B
T.U.R.D. Madame President
N.S.B.A.P.O.I. South Pacific Member
and competent 'Fat Knacker Dancer'