> 1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
>
>
>
> 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
> content.
>
>
>
> 3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me
> here.
>
>
>
> 4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
> it. I said,'Thyroid problem?'
>
>
>
> 5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
> standing up really fast.
>
>
>
> 6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea.'
>
>
>
> 7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to
> live with.
>
>
>
> 8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a
> moaner.
>
>
>
> 9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
> 'terminal'?
>
>
>
> 10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
> get elected.
>
>
>
> 11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely
> no trade-in value.
>
>
>
> 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
> tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
>
>
>
> 13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
> person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
>
>
>
> 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
>
>
>
> 15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
>
>
>
> 16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
> consecutive days I've stayed alive.
>
>
>
> 17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend
> my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have 'Schiffer Brains.'
>
>
>
> 18. No one ever says 'It's only a game!' when their team is
> winning.
>
>
>
> 19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes
> and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not
> feeling well?
>
>
>
> 20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom
> door you're on.
>
>
>
> 21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a
> peeing section in a swimming pool?
>
>
>
> 22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a
> relative.
>
>
>
> 23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
> naked?
>
>
>
> 24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
>
>
>
> 25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise
> words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!'
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Post a Comment |
Just be safe !!
forgive me i am discombobulated again.
i would not like be a member of a club who would have me as a member...Groucho
Marks.
T.U.R.D. (because I'm a farter)