Or plays soccer, or rugby, or drives an F1 car...

i have tried three times to put this on, but could not.
so i am going to put it here because i like it.

This is (supposedly) an actual letter sent to American company Proctor and
Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the
first paragraph...

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or
Dri-Weave absorbenc y, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi
pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month
knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of
the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my
body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying
jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for
most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent
urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
"Have a Happy Period."

Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be
anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin
and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end
your life in a blaze of glory

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something
that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or "Vehicular
Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

(This comment was modified on Oct 24, 2007 06:34 AM)

If you guys only freaking knew... Really knew what it feels like,, You would all go fishing for a week just to be on the safe side !!! My hubby had a tee-shirt made that reads
P~ack
M~y
S~hit
I'm going fishing..See you in a week,,,

Comment in reply to konifur's original comment

Smarts like this??

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