1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
4. If man evolved from apes, why do we still have apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I asked the saleswoman in the bookstore "Where is the self-help section?" She said it would defeat the purpose if she told me.
7. What id there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to ‘Get away from it all’?
12. What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at the road signs?
21. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egoists: they don’t talk about other people.
23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘S’ in it?
30. Why are haemorrhoids called ‘haemorrhoids’ instead of ‘asteroids’?
31. Why is it called the tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental around a few times do they become disoriented?
34. Can atheists get insurance against acts of god?
35. Which sadist decided to make ‘dyslexia’ so difficult to spell?
36. Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
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AWARD YOURSELF AN AWARD.
( i wish you could make me an award so i could give it back to you.)
*8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? *
i nearly pissed my self laughing at that one.
forgive me i am discombobulated again.
i would not like be a member of a club who would have me as a member...Groucho
Marks.
T.U.R.D. (because I'm a farter)