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Noah In 2007
2 comments | Posted by konifur 25 months ago

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In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the UK, and
said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living
thing along with a few good humans.'

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
but no Ark.

'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I started building one, but had to pull it down. My neighbours
claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in
my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision. I explained why I was building an Ark. I said it
was going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

I've been arguing with the Water Board inspector that it is not for a
sprinkler system and that I don't need a separate water meter.

Then the Electricity Board demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of
moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for
the Ark 'S move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
Environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so
many animals in a confined space.

Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed Flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
how many ethnic minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status of most of the people
who want to work, as no locals are interested.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Customs Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to Finish
this Ark. '

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow Stretched
across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to Destroy
the world?'

'No,' said the Lord, 'The government beat me to it.'