1 Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they never get the house.
2 Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You don’t know man, you weren’t there!
3 Q: How many reality TV stars does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, their time in the spotlight is over.
4 Q: How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, real men aren't afraid of the dark.
5 Q: One!
A: How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?
6 Q: How many James Bond fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and ten to complain that the original was better!
7 Q: How many sex therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in and one to tell him he's screwing it in the wrong way!
8 Q: How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, one-two, one-two...
9 Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
10 Q: How many women with PMT does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: One, because it just bloody does, all right!
11 Q: How many crime writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but there will have to be a real twist at the end.
12 Q: How many art museum visitors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to say, "My four-year old could do that."
13 Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but only if you can find a word to rhyme with light bulb...
14 Q: How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been *this* big! (Gestures with arms...) Five of us were barely enough!
15 Q: How many Mafia Men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and the other to shoot any witnesses!
16 Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change it, and one to change it back again.
17 Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter; we’re all going to die anyway!
18 Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.
19 Q: How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.
20 Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One ... Two, and a-one two three four.
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People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel.