Recent Quips from Late Night
"In the latest count, there are now 25 politicians running for president -- and 15 of them also claim to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby." -- Jay Leno
"In a recent interview, First Lady Laura Bush said that President Bush always forgets Valentine's Day. The First Lady went on to say that unless a holiday has a bunny or a flying reindeer, forget it." -- Conan O'Brien
"Supreme Court Justice Scalia's daughter was arrested in Illinois for DUI and child endangerment. She says she's gonna fight it all the way to the Supreme Court." -- Jay Leno
"Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney announced he's running for president. If he wins, he'd be the first Mormon president. Apparently, Romney is planning on winning the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them." -- Conan O'Brien
"The FAA is very close to raising the retirement age of pilots. ... That means pretty soon both astronauts and pilots will be wearing diapers." -- Jay Leno
"We have another presidential candidate. Mitt Romney is running on the Republican ticket. If you're anything like me, you don't know Mitt Romney from Roma Downey. ... I really like his campaign slogan. Have you seen it? 'Mitt Happens'" --Jimmy Kimmel
"Al Gore will be speaking at this year's Democratic Convention -- or as we call it, the Oscars." -- Jay Leno
"I really had to hand it to the Academy for sticking it to Al Gore. There's no better way to welcome a radical, left-wing eco-nutjob than with a forest worth of confetti." --Stephen Colbert
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Watching professional fishing on TV is just watching a bunch of master baiters
hold their rods
Politics is just a bunch of mass debators in one room