1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be too afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.
8. Chapped lips? Rub chicken shit on them. It won't ease the chapping,
but it will keep you from licking them.
9. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are.
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
And finally.....Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
One out of every four people suffer from a mental disorder. If you have
three friends, and none of them have a problem well .... you do the math!
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"if you cant solve it and it involves technology, ask your kid"
Watching professional fishing on TV is just watching a bunch of master baiters
hold their rods
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