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Medical Bloopers
8 comments | Posted by quEEny 39 months ago
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The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
The patient refused an autopsy.
Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.




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View Profile for Lord-BatesLord-Bates
Posted on Dec 04, 2006 at 09:08 PM
3,213 tokens, 1.06 weeks wasted

~~~CODY~~~
"When children die its just god taking them befor they have to suffer in this
world" Crystal

 
View Profile for minodudeminodude
Posted on Dec 04, 2006 at 09:48 PM
19,484 tokens, 3.85 weeks wasted
they go to school for 10 years for this...

Just Kidding!!

Watching professional fishing on TV is just watching a bunch of master baiters
hold their rods

Politics is just a bunch of mass debators in one room

 
View Profile for SoR_AWCSoR_AWC
Posted on Dec 05, 2006 at 01:33 PM
7,473 tokens, 1.05 months wasted
Comment in reply to minodude's original comment

Medical transcriptionists...the typers... are usually unwed mother high school drop outs... explains a lot of the grammar.


 
View Profile for videophotogvideophotog
Posted on Dec 04, 2006 at 10:31 PM
17,534 tokens, 2.02 months wasted
LOL I started reading each sentence like it was a story unitl it didn't make sense! Oh well, pretty funny on both accounts!

People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel.

 
View Profile for WortelWortel
Posted on Dec 05, 2006 at 04:34 AM
1,023 tokens, 1.13 weeks wasted
Comment in reply to videophotog's original comment

did the same thing... *what a weird story*

IT'S ALWAYS FUNNY TILL SOMEONE GETS HURT...
THEN IT'S FREEKEN HILARIOUS!

 
View Profile for alex657684alex657684
Posted on Dec 05, 2006 at 01:54 AM
11,788 tokens, 2.64 weeks wasted
so much for the $100,000 for school

Hey! Hier kommt Alex
Vorhang auf fur seine Horrorshow

 
View Profile for fastfowardfastfoward
Posted on Dec 05, 2006 at 01:22 PM
881 tokens, 2.35 days wasted
Sounds like the doctors here!
One I no longer go too would say every problem you had was becouse you're over 40.
If you come in holding your severed head in your hands it would be becouse you're over 40!

Never argue with a fool...he may be doing the same thing.

The wise speak when they have something to say,
the fools speak when they have to say something.

 
View Profile for xtragedyxxtragedyx
Posted on Dec 05, 2006 at 06:37 PM
220 tokens, 23.38 hours wasted
ill give it a vote if you dont make me read it...

"I'm blonde...be patient."

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