Letter To Your Neighbor 15 comments | Posted by Phoenix_84 30 months ago

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Dear Disgusting Neighbor,

I don't mind that you are fat. I don't mind that you are ugly. I don't mind that you have huge, purple patches of scaling psoriasis all over your body. I don't mind that you have fungus underneath your plastic, frosty pink fingernails (sadly, you've shown me more than once). And since I have a very high fence, I don't even mind if you have sex in your hot tub with your excessively hairy, chain-smoking, rotted front tooth, unwashed boyfriend any time of the day or night.

But I DO mind being in the middle of a much-needed gardening project and being bombarded with 'OH GOD, OH GOD, YES, YES, OH GOD...' coming through the fence with such intensity and volume that my dogs stopped dead in their tracks, looked at the fence, looked at each other, looked at me and then fixated on the fence until you presumably 'came' (an hour later) and shut the hell up.

Now Neighbor, you know I work 12 to 16 hours a day for the majority of my waking life- in other words, I AM SELDOM HOME (you've made it abundantly clear that you keep track of my 'comings and goings') giving you unlimited time and space to do your loud rutting where ever and when ever you desire. So why, for the love of everything Holy, have you chosen to share your, 'DEEPER, DEEPER...'grunt, grunt, grunt, slap, qweef, grunt, 'DEEPER...YES, YEEEEEEES...' with me, my poor way-past-the-point-of-needing-to-be-in-dirt tomato seedlings and my worried dogs in the middle of my ONE measly day off? I'm not a prude, I'm not a religious fanatic and nobody likes a good, sweaty boink more than me- but JesusMaryMotherOfGod- as you fake-screamed (I guess you forgot you told me you were non-orgasmic during intercourse) all I could see in my minds eye were the two of you sloshing and f*cking in a luke-warm, bacteria saturated, hair, sloughed skin and old sperm soup and I swear to GOD it was everything I could do not to vomit.

Ugh... In summation, Neighbor; I somehow got my tomatoes in the ground so please feel free to continue your loud, ugly, germy f*cking. The only thing I ask, is just PLEASE do it when I'm not home, which may I remind you, is MOST of the time.

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Community Comments  Post Comment

alex657684 Posted on Sep 09, 2006 at 12:51 PM 11,787 tokens, 2.64 weeks wasted

LO fucking L.

Hey! Hier kommt Alex
Vorhang auf fur seine Horrorshow

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minodude Posted on Sep 09, 2006 at 01:55 PM 19,407 tokens, 3.62 weeks wasted

if that happened to me, instead of writing a letter, take my baseball bat to his mailbox!

Just Kidding!!

Watching professional fishing on TV is just watching a bunch of master baiters
hold their rods

Politics is just a bunch of mass debators in one room

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konifur Posted on Sep 10, 2006 at 03:18 AM 26,162 tokens, 1.57 months wasted

good one phoenix.i bet the neighbor from hell will get worse than that in the summer.

hey! it wasn`t me!

forgive me i am discombobulated again.

i would not like be a member of a club who would have me as a member...Groucho
Marks.

T.U.R.D. (because I'm a farter)

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Sarah Posted on Sep 10, 2006 at 03:45 AM 11,930 tokens, 2.26 months wasted

Sounds even worse than my neighbors.

I don't know much about clothes. But, my hair looks feirce !!!
-RuPaul

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Phoenix_84 Posted on Sep 11, 2006 at 12:06 PM 2,200 tokens, 1.47 weeks wasted

Comment in reply to Sarah's original comment

ooh, ooh, please expand on this, sarah!

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Taste Good with
Ketchup

Veni, Veni, Dormivi!

Licetne mihi ambulare ad latrinam?

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers
on your right hand?

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Sarah Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 12:43 AM 11,930 tokens, 2.26 months wasted

Comment in reply to Phoenix_84's original comment

It's a long, drawn out story.
Basically, they're rude, nosey, tacky, presumtuous & unjustly stuck up.
I hate them.

I don't know much about clothes. But, my hair looks feirce !!!
-RuPaul

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Phoenix_84 Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 09:35 AM 2,200 tokens, 1.47 weeks wasted

Comment in reply to Sarah's original comment

sounds alot like my neighbors to the north. he's an arrogant self centered prick who doesn't like me and my roomates, because we are "teenagers". we like "loud music" and "party" on our front porch. he's a real asshat!

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Taste Good with
Ketchup

Veni, Veni, Dormivi!

Licetne mihi ambulare ad latrinam?

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers
on your right hand?

Reply | Post New

Sarah Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 09:51 AM 11,930 tokens, 2.26 months wasted

Comment in reply to Phoenix_84's original comment

UGH !

Sounds like a fun guy.
Maybe he should go out & get some booty. It might calm him down.
Or smoke some bud.
Either way.




(This comment was modified on Sep 12, 2006 09:52 AM)

I don't know much about clothes. But, my hair looks feirce !!!
-RuPaul

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Phoenix_84 Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 09:52 AM 2,200 tokens, 1.47 weeks wasted

Comment in reply to Sarah's original comment

i'd rather see him run himself over with his car. he's dumb enough to pull it off.

(This comment was modified on Sep 12, 2006 09:55 AM)

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Taste Good with
Ketchup

Veni, Veni, Dormivi!

Licetne mihi ambulare ad latrinam?

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers
on your right hand?

Reply | Post New

Sarah Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 09:57 AM 11,930 tokens, 2.26 months wasted

Comment in reply to Phoenix_84's original comment

You're too much !

I don't know much about clothes. But, my hair looks feirce !!!
-RuPaul

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Phoenix_84 Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 10:04 AM 2,200 tokens, 1.47 weeks wasted

Comment in reply to Sarah's original comment

let me guess, you've never seen the Monty Python "Twit of the Year" skit. one of the events is they have to run themselves over with a car

(This comment was modified on Sep 12, 2006 10:05 AM)

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Taste Good with
Ketchup

Veni, Veni, Dormivi!

Licetne mihi ambulare ad latrinam?

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers
on your right hand?

Reply | Post New

Sarah Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 10:10 AM 11,930 tokens, 2.26 months wasted

Comment in reply to Phoenix_84's original comment

Actually, yes I have.
That's why I was laughing.



I love it !!
So does my little sister.

Our parents exposed us to all the brit coms & movies & all that.

I don't know much about clothes. But, my hair looks feirce !!!
-RuPaul

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Phoenix_84 Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 10:17 AM 2,200 tokens, 1.47 weeks wasted

Comment in reply to Sarah's original comment

yay, another fan of Monty Python! Huzzah for British Comedy!

Speaking of British, has anyone seen Hunnybunny lately?

(This comment was modified on Sep 12, 2006 10:17 AM)

Do Not Meddle in the Affairs of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Taste Good with
Ketchup

Veni, Veni, Dormivi!

Licetne mihi ambulare ad latrinam?

I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers
on your right hand?

Reply | Post New

Sarah Posted on Sep 12, 2006 at 10:18 AM 11,930 tokens, 2.26 months wasted

Comment in reply to Phoenix_84's original comment

I don't know much about clothes. But, my hair looks feirce !!!
-RuPaul

Reply | Post New

Lokireloaded Posted on Feb 27, 2007 at 07:25 AM 1,646 tokens, 1.16 months wasted

and now for something completely different!!!

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