Crazy Medical Records

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Crazy Medical Records
5 comments | Posted by aerozeppelin13 43 months ago

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The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.

1. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

6. I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

7. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. The patient refused an autopsy.

12. The patient has no past history of suicides.

13. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

14. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

15. Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

16. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

17. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

18. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

19. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

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turdman
Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 06:42 PM
374 tokens, 3.91 days wasted

lmao u gotta have a slight medical knowledge to get some of these but none the less they r freakin hillarious

a person: girls are more useful for things then just cooking u know

me: CLEANING!!!!

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alex657684
Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 08:32 PM
11,788 tokens, 2.64 weeks wasted

you'd think after many years of school, they'd at least be able to use correct grammar.

i'll go easy on the totally stupid stuff that was written, but some of that could have been avoided if they paid attention in school.

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Vorhang auf fur seine Horrorshow

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Monkey
Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 10:23 PM
9,202 tokens, 3.62 weeks wasted

Comment in reply to alex657684's original comment

I sold a 94 Z28 to a medical student. He bragged to me about the different sports cars his tuition had bought him. He had some way of beating the system and using a majority of his grants to buy fast cars.

The dude was a douch bag and a half once you started talking to him. It was obvious he was going to end up suckin dick for beer money in a few years.

Wealth ≠ Intelligence

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Heaven is having sex all the time and not needing Kleenex or coat hangers.

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