Noahs Ark, Present Day

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Noahs Ark, Present Day
15 comments | Posted by Phoenix_84 45 months ago

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Noah in 2006

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in the United States, and said,
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh
before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living
thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You
have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start
the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and
saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things
have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been
arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've
violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building
the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal
Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation
demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of
moving power lines and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but
they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to
save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the
owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an
animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild
animals against their will. They argued the
accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the
Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact
study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with
the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities
I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking
the green-card status of most of the people who want
to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at
least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to
shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah
looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not
going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me
to it."

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videophotog
Posted on Jun 29, 2006 at 05:08 PM
17,534 tokens, 2.02 months wasted

Man is this ever true! The scariest words known to man: "I'm from the government and I'm here to help!"

People will forget what you said.
People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel.

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